June 2, 2011

Vampire Tracker Part 13 #fridayflash #tuesdayserial #spokensunday

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Cinnamon and Cloves — Image by nsdis via Flickr

Vampire Tracker Part 13

I poured the water into the coffee maker, lined the filter with a bag of coffee and turned it on. Seconds later it came to life; the smell of brewing coffee filled the room.

I opened my bag and riffled through the contents. “I’m pretty sure I have one in here.” All my clothes for the entire summer were piled up on the bed. Still no bobby pin. I searched the side pockets, my hand grazed against a hard piece of metal. “Found one!”

Jeremy grabbed it from my hands and started MacGyvering away. Metal scrapped against metal, but nothing happened.

“Here let me try.”

I pressed the bobby pin into the hole and moved it around. Nothing. “This is harder than I thought it would be.”

Jeremy scratched his head. “Did you ever see your Grandpa open it?”

I traced back through my arsenal of memories. “I don’t think I ever saw it open.” Or did I? “Wait, I did once. He took me to a museum, met some woman there. Afterwards he sat down and wrote in this book.” That woman smelled like cloves and cinnamon, just like Seth. I need to know what’s in this book! I pressed the bobby pin down hard, I felt it rub against a nub of metal inside, but nothing happened. I threw my hands up in the air. “This is impossible! Stupid lock!”

Jeremy handed me a cup of coffee. “Drink some of this. I’ll work on it some more while you take a shower. Then we can get some grub. I’m starving.”

I placed the mug to my mouth. Hot, delicious coffee coated my throat. The warmth of it soothed the unease in my stomach.

“Hey, do you think your parents know where the key is?”

“They might, but even if they don’t Grandpa’s room is still the same.”

Jeremy raised his eyebrows. “Really? After all these years? That’s kinda weird Vel. When my dad left, mom didn’t wait one hour before all his crap was put on the curb. I bet the key to this book is in there somewhere. We just have to find it.”

I stopped dead in my tracks. The blood drained from my face. “It was a request in his will that his room be left alone till I turned 18.”

Jeremy’s chin dropped, he held out his arm. “That just gave me goosebumps.”

A shiver went up and down my back. “Me too.”

There was no doubt in my mind that Grandpa knew something. I had to find out what was in that book, even if it meant going home earlier than we had planned.

***

This flash fiction is part of a vampire series for #FridayFlash.

Follow the links below to read more.

Vella and Jeremy Vampire Tracker Part 1

Vella and Jeremy Vampire Tracker Part 2

Vella and Jeremy Vampire Tracker Part 3

Vella and Jeremy Vampire Tracker Part 4

Vella and Jeremy Vampire Tracker Part 5

Vella and Jeremy Vampire Tracker Part 6

Vella and Seth, the First Born Vampire Tracker Part 7

Vella, Seth and Jeremy Vampire Tracker Part 8

Vella, Jeremy and Seth Vampire Tracker Part 9

Vella, Jeremy and Seth Vampire Tracker Part 10

Vella, Jeremy and Seth Vampire Tracker Part 11

Vella and Jeremy Vampire Tracker Part 12

Ammon The Moon Flute Player The Cliff Dwelling Part 2

Lis, Andrew and the Flute Player The Cliff Dwelling Part 1

Lis Desert Vampires

Natalia Vampire Natalia Searches the Jungle

AndrewVampires in the Jungle

Veronique Vampires at the Moulin Rouge

Veronique and Natalia Snow in Paris

Natalia Confession of the Vampire Natalia

Vampires ~ Flash Fiction ~ #FridayFlash #tuesdayserial

13 responses to “Vampire Tracker Part 13 #fridayflash #tuesdayserial #spokensunday”

Helen

June 3, 2011 at 2:46 am

Oooo go home, go home and find the key – we’re all hanging on to find out what’s in the book.

Nice chapter!

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Icy Sedgwick

June 3, 2011 at 5:56 am

Ah! Keys! Wills! Books!! Get them home, I want to know what’s in the book!

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John Wiswell

June 3, 2011 at 7:09 am

I’d just steer clear of Grandpa. This will only bring trouble.

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ramblingsfromtheleft

June 3, 2011 at 8:57 am

No, John … grandpa will give her the answers she needs.

I can’t wait for her to open the box and let us into this marvelous “secret” she will find.

Another well done chaper. thanks 🙂

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Chuck Allen

June 3, 2011 at 2:41 pm

More secrets? Yea! I say skip the shower and let’s get going to Grandpa’s room. 🙂

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sonia

June 3, 2011 at 3:42 pm

Yeah, okay, a request like that in the will is a little creepy. I say she find a locksmith and have the locksmith open it.

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Steve Green

June 4, 2011 at 2:48 am

This is a very good instalment, the dialogue is believable, and the ending adds another sinister notch to the storyline.

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Aidan Fritz

June 5, 2011 at 2:36 pm

I like how they don’t succeed in jimmying the lock open. When I was little, I tried to “pick” my parents cardoor with a long wire. They weren’t very happy when all I succeeded in doing was getting the wire stuck in the lock.

I like the bit about Grandpa’s room not being disturbed until she was 18.

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1. Aidan Fritz
  
  June 5, 2011 at 2:37 pm
  
  Minor note: you’re missing Part 12 in your list of previous entries in the series. It was easy to find so no big deal.
  
  Reply
  1. laradunning
    
    June 5, 2011 at 7:59 pm
    
    Thanks for catching that! It’s fixed now.
2. laradunning
  
  June 5, 2011 at 8:01 pm
  
  LOL, the things kids do. Thanks for stopping by, love your input as always.
  
  Reply
Stephen Hewitt

June 10, 2011 at 4:19 am

Hi there Lara –

Man you’re making us work for that book (but in all the right ways). Loved ‘MacGyvering away’ – nice and compact and gets across just the right amount of amateur enthusiasm, somehow. And then, of course, they fail to pick the lock. As real people probably would.

Wasn’t sure you needed to detail the search for the pin itself – felt like something that was there because you were ‘in the moment’ so were adverse to skipping forward, but not sure what it added (e.g. could push for more characterization or simply skip). Same could possibly be said about the coffee in the previous part. Tiny bit of text, though 😉

Jer’s reaction to Grandpa’s room very good. Loved that, and his mother getting his father’s stuff out onto the kerb. Nice bit of characterization and story all in one. Expertly achieved.

Somehow the positioning / emphasis of this line in the story order seemed a little strange to me: I stopped dead in my tracks. The blood drained from my face. “It was a request in his will that his room be left alone till I turned 18.”

Great revelation (I’m liking 🙂 ), but if she’d been living with this weird fact all her life, the fact itself wouldn’t be a source of surprise. The ‘turned 18 in the will’ bit could have been subtly added in the first mention of the room, as if completely normal, and then the surprise in this line is entirely focussed on her putting two and two together. Maybe this is why Grandpa did that… Or even having Jer put it together, with her lagging behind. Anyhoo, it’s an (arguable) subtlety. I figure it’s what you intended, and a nice idea…

Grandpa’s room is gonna be good 🙂

St.

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1. laradunning
  
  June 10, 2011 at 8:52 am
  
  Stephen. You’re on the right track with putting two and two together. I meant it to read that way. I think I need to go back and fix a few things so that is more obvious. Great comments and suggestions. Keep em’ coming.
  
  Reply