Vampire Tracker Part 8 #fridayflash #tuesdayserial #samplesunday

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Vampire Tracker Part 8

 

     This was all too much to take in. Could I really be Amisi? Was my obsession with vampires something else all together? My head felt light, my palms began to sweat. I closed my eyes and opened them. The candlelight made eerie shapes along the walls. Why is this happening to me? 

Jeremy’s feet scoffed across the floor in the other room. “Vel, are you ok?” It was almost comical how small and scrawny Jeremy looked next to the dark-skinned He-man that stood before him. “What’s he done to you?”

Seth’s muscles flexed when he spoke. “I’ve not harmed her, only told her the truth.”

“The truth?” Jeremy looked at me, his eyes full of questions.

My legs twitched. My instinct told me to run, but I couldn’t move. “Seth, I have a lot of questions.”

Confusion swept over Jeremy’s face. “Questions? What questions? We need to ditch this guy and get our asses outta of here.” Behind him Lucille growled, Jeremy inched closer to me.

How could I make Jeremy understand? I had to find out what all this meant. “Calm down Jer.  We need to stay, or at least I do.”

Jeremy’s shoulders slumped, his face scrunched. “I’m confused.”

I gave him one of those “get with the program” looks, the kind talk show hosts give their lame guests. “Believe me, you’re not the only one.”

***

Thank you for leaving such great comments on my POV dilemma in last weeks flash (Vampire Tracker Part 7). After much deliberation I’ve decided I’m not quite ready to veer away from Vella’s voice. There is some more plot development that needs to occur through her eyes.

This flash fiction is part of a vampire series for #FridayFlash. 

Follow the links below to read more.

Vella and Jeremy Vampire Tracker Part 1

Vella and Jeremy Vampire Tracker Part 2

Vella and Jeremy Vampire Tracker Part 3

Vella and Jeremy Vampire Tracker Part 4

Vella and Jeremy Vampire Tracker Part 5

Vella and Jeremy Vampire Tracker Part 6

Vella and Seth, the First Born Vampire Tracker Part 7

Ammon The Moon Flute Player The Cliff Dwelling Part 2

Lis, Andrew and the Flute Player The Cliff Dwelling Part 1

Lis Desert Vampires  

Natalia Vampire Natalia Searches the Jungle

AndrewVampires in the Jungle 

Veronique Vampires at the Moulin Rouge 

Veronique and Natalia Snow in Paris

Natalia Confession of the Vampire Natalia

Vampires ~ Flash Fiction ~ #FridayFlash

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12 Comments Add yours

  1. I love the way this is developing and applaud you for trying out a different voice last week and allowing us all to ‘work’ through it with you. It was very interesting to hear a different perspective, but I love Vella’s voice too.
    I’d missed a few weeks, but am all caught up now!

    1. laradunning says:

      Thanks for catching up. Writing both ways last week helped me work out the next part. Seth will get some more attention later on, as with all the other vampire characters.

  2. Chuck Allen says:

    I love the internal tension here for Vella and I’m glad to see Jeremy is ok. I half expected him to show up having become something like Lucille. 🙂

    1. laradunning says:

      Wouldn’t that be a bummer. Luceille is one stink bomb. 🙂

  3. Helen says:

    Ooh I wanna know what she’s gonna ask! This is so compulsive reading, more, did I say I want more? well I do! Nice tight writing, it’s all there with no wasted words!

    1. laradunning says:

      Thanks Helen. I think writing flash has helped improve my writing. I’m looking at old stuff now and wanting to fix it. LOL

  4. I love this POV of the story. I would be confused if I were Jer as well 🙂

    I think you did good staying with the voice you were most comfortable with and the one that seems more natural for this story.

  5. John Wiswell says:

    Had to jump back a chapter to catch up, but then I came around. Curious storytelling, Lara. Lead on!

  6. Good to see Jeremy back in there and hasn’t been used as a toothpick by Lucille. 🙂

    Last week’s piece was a great experiment and a cool thing to open up to discussion. Happy you’re sticking with Vella’s voice. St

  7. Steve Green says:

    The story is flowing nicely along, it’s good to see Jeremy back in play too, I thought something nasty might have happened to him, I think maybe though that Vella is strong enough to take care of both of them.

  8. Icy Sedgwick says:

    I liked hearing Seth’s POV as well but I think Vella’s a strong enough protagonist that we get what we need from her.

  9. Aidan Fritz says:

    I gave him one of those “get with the program” looks, the kind talk show hosts give their lame guests. “Believe me, you’re not the only one.” Great line. Looking forward to where this goes.

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